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Bumps and Bruises

Growing up as a child my parents found it easier, and cheaper, to buy a pair of crutches for me. If anyone was going to get a broken ankle, sprains, stitches, etc. ~ I’m the one. Actually, Peter has informed me that shins were created to find furniture. So, I can honestly say at my house there are always a lot of bumps and bruises between Peter and myself; not to mention when the grandkids are here! We both have scars from everything from stitches, broken bones and again ~ finding furniture. Luckily, not every scrape has left a scar and not every bump caused bruising; just most of them did.

This reminds me a lot about life itself. Most of the time, the bumps and bruises we have as kids are from playing; there is always a little doctoring and most of them go away. Later in life, we realize that not all bumps and bruises are physical ~ the ones that linger are the ones that hurt the most. These scars are left from words and actions of others. Emotional bruising and scarring, no matter what happened, is the hardest to deal with. Many times because we have survived something we think we’re fine; only to realize years later how these scars have affected our lives many times over. As a survivor of rape and abuse I speak from experience. It wasn’t until I realized I haven’t dealt with it did the healing begin.

Now the question, how do we heal from deep emotional scarring? Step #1 ~ forgive. What? Forgive someone who did that/said that to me? Yes. Forgive. Read in the Bible and you will see over and over where Jesus tells us to forgive. It’s not an option. You need to realize that when you hold onto anger, bitterness, etc. the damage that it does to you physically as well  can be devastating. Forgiveness is for us, not the ones who caused the damage. They go about their everyday life while you sit around hurt as a ‘victim’. Once you have forgiven your status will change from ‘victim’ to ‘VICTOR’!

Also, remember that Jesus came to heal the brokenhearted. That’s what He’s there for; for you. Step #2 ~ pray. (Ok, so step #1 and 2 are linked together.) Ask Jesus to help you forgive and give this battle to Him. Paraphrasing here, but in Matthew Jesus tells us to come to Him and he will give us rest. As a child, the most comforting feeling was in Mama’s arms. We’ve all experienced that. As a child of God, the time you feel that same peace is when you go to Him, cry on His shoulder, and let Him do the healing.

This is DeVaughn ~ bringing it home.

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Casualties of War

Where do I begin with this one… I was sitting at my computer with my grandchildren in the living room watching TV. I heard my son come in and ask “Where is Mama? Where is Grandma?” I told him I was in the office. He came in and said “Can I have a hug?” in a whispery tone that was hard to understand him and I looked up and saw my son with tears streaming down his face as he was reaching for me. I stood up and held him as he cried telling me he didn’t know if he could take anymore. As a mother my instinct was to hold on and not let go ~ and we didn’t for a brief while. We then stepped out onto the back porch and talked. His heart was breaking due to his separation and upcoming divorce. There is no greater pain than to see your child in pain, no matter how old they are, and yet there’s nothing you can do or say that will make it better.

My son is an Iraq Veteran and I’m proud of him. I am blessed and grateful that he did come home; but, he didn’t come home the same. The issues he had from what he had gone through has taken his life and turned it upside down. He used to be real outgoing and love crowds whereas now, he can’t be in a large crowd without an anxiety attack. As his marriage was falling apart he finally went for some counseling and was diagnosed with PTSD, and praise God they gave him some medication that allows him to stay calmer.

 When he came to me the other day it took every ounce of strength I had to hold it together until after he left. I truly broke down myself and thought back to when I had reached that breaking point. On September 7, 2008, I had a seizure and fell down the stairs resulting in a compound and burst fracture of L5. After the results of an MRI telling me I couldn’t have back surgery because it was too dangerous I left a message for Rick Curren, III. I had worked for him in the medical field and knew his knowledge was vast and trusted his advice. What this meant was that I would be off of work for 2 months at least. I remember crying telling Rick that I was scared of losing my house. It was his response that made the impact. Not only did Rick remind me it was just a house and this was my health but the vital part was reciting the 23rd Psalm and going over the meaning of every line in it. I then felt a sense of peace.

 About 5 years earlier my mother’s Pastor told us that if you’re ever scared recite the 23rd Psalm 5 times a day. I went home that night and realized I couldn’t remember it after all these years. I took out my Bible and started reading it out loud. The first time was to remind myself of the words, I made it through the second time; but, about halfway through the third time I broke down crying turning to Jesus the way my son turned to me. I must add, I have never been the same since for it was at that very moment I felt His presence and went from being just a believer to having a relationship with Him.

 You see, even though my son made it home he still fights battles every day ~ we all do. Whether as a Veteran, survivor of rape and/or abuse, addiction, the list goes on and on. We all are casualties of some kind of war or another. When my son came to me for comfort after all of these years it gave me a glimpse into how Jesus felt when I came home to him that night. No matter what war you are facing ~ Jesus is waiting to give you His sense of peace ~ all you have to do is ask.

 

This is DeVaughn ~ bringing it home.

Rise Up!

Demons ~ we all have them ~ memories of the past that tend to resurface themselves every now and then without notice or probable cause. There’s no logical reason that these ghosts tend to bury themselves in the subconscious and show their ugly faces. On the other hand, spiritually speaking it makes total sense. The enemy attacks each of us through our thoughts, especially when it’s time to do God’s work. The last couple of days I found myself in a deep, dark place emotionally. Something happened within the last few months that also caused old demons to resurface. It was within family so the hurt was intense, just as it was a long time ago. When someone you trust betrays you, considering the source doesn’t make it hurt any less. Others see it going on and you wonder why no one stands up and defends you, leaving you feeling alone. Now that Mama’s passed away I don’t have that rock to talk to which gave me comfort; making the emptiness inside overwhelming.

 

Throughout these last two months there have been a few family members who have talked with me and guided me. At one point someone said “It’s not my fight.” True, it wasn’t, but I didn’t have what it took this time. This comment came to mind the other night and my feelings went from feeling alone to the question “Whose fight is it?” Conclusion: God’s. See, I didn’t ask for all of this to happen and am a firm believer that God has directed my life. In fact, the other day there was a girl at work that shared a traumatic event in her younger years and how it affects her still. My first question was “Have you forgiven this person?” Oh my, these words rung out loud last night as I was sitting on the front porch, drinking coffee and watching the thunderstorm.

 

As I sat there I started talking with God for the first time within these dark hours. I told Him that I do forgive them for what they did but it still hurts. I also told Him I was giving these battles to Him to fight. A few tears and a few hours later I felt peace for the first time in 48 hours. Before the night was over I went back on the porch and the first four lines of a poem came to me. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that was God talking so I grabbed pen and paper. He always tends to talk to me when I’m finally silent; it was 3:30 a.m. and my world was still. This was more confirmation of the verse Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God…” I consider this poem as a letter from God, not just to me but for anyone who has and still is dealing with these demons. May if give you a sense of peace and comfort.

 

Rise up and claim your victory!

The day is not yet done,

You’re not defeated, just feeling weak,

There’s a battle to be won!

The scars will heal and remind you

How strong you were this day,

Overcoming trials against all odds,

Nothing gets in your way.

 

Rise up and claim your victory!

These nightmares of your past

Haunt you, scare you, but never forget

Nothing is meant to last.

The pain is felt and your heart pounds hard,

Caught up in the waves of the storm.

Hold on with might, hold one with hope,

For tomorrow comes a new morn.

 

Rise up and claim your victory!

Claim it in His name!

Open yourself to feel the wings of His angels,

Watch the raging sea become tame.

Quit fighting your battles all alone,

Let Him fight these demons for you.

Lie down and rest, give it all to Him,

This simple task is by far the hardest to do.

 

Rise up and claim His victory!

When you called He calmed the seas.

He healed the scars and dried the tears,

Humbly thank Him while on your knees.

Life goes on, today will be forgotten,

You’ll live each day doing what you will.

Remember He is always there for you.

He claimed victory when crucified on that hill.

 

DeVaughn Rosendahl

9/4/2014

 

This is DeVaughn ~ bringing it home.

 

 

 

Can I Get a Witness?

Of course, as a musician songs always come to mind when a subject does and the title not only describes what the topic of the day will be ~ but also shows how songs always come to my mind. I will start by quoting the last sentence in yesterday’s blog ~ “We need to make sure our words and actions are a witness and not a warning.” So ~ can I get a witness?

Most of the people who aren’t believers will always speak of the actions of “Christians” that really turn them away; especially those that hold the Bible in one hand while pointing their finger judging with the other. Actually, most ‘Christians’ are the worst example of what Christianity is all about! We are told in the Bible we should be loving, forgiving, nonjudgmental, caring, giving, and the list goes on. Not to mention how we are to be slow to anger. Does this remind you of anyone you know? Does it even remind you of yourself? Oh, not me…most of us think. But take a deep, closer look at yourself. Are your words and actions being a witness to others? Does anyone ask you why you are always positive and how can you be so forgiving? Speaking of being a witness, when is the last time you spoke to someone about Jesus and salvation? That is also our job too, not just the pastor’s. These are just some thoughts to think about going into the weekend that maybe just might cause a few to start their week out differently and make a difference in someone else’s life – possibly their eternal life. Just keep in mind ~ if you were the only Bible someone would ever see would they truly see Jesus?

This is DeVaughn ~ bringing it home.

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