Category Archives: Patience
First, I want to thank those who have been following my blogs and encouraging me for your patience for me to get back to writing again. I must admit, there were plenty of times I wanted to sit at the keyboard and “let loose,” it just never seemed to click.
The last four years have been hard due to the house fire, but struggles continued after we moved home as well. At first just moving in was hard because it was about a month and a half after Peter and I both got out of the hospital with the flu and double pneumonia. I was on oxygen, diagnosed with stage 2 COPD and dealing with weight gain from being laid up from injuries from the fire. Not burns, nerve damage from when I went back into the house to save our German Shepherds. So, at this point, we were in a beautiful home I wasn’t able to enjoy.
I had hired different housekeepers which through this process, I realized how much of my mother ran through my blood. We managed to get just the right cleaning equipment and I set a schedule for cleaning the house. All was well if I didn’t overdo it. At least once a week I had to take a painkiller and twice a week a muscle relaxer.
About 9 months ago I got the wonderful news that I did not have COPD and it must have been some residual from the pneumonia leftover in my lungs. Praise the Lord!!! I was able to do things without needing my oxygen and getting a little more active. Then tornadoes started happening and all the pollen and anything else you could imagine was tossed about. It was at that point I couldn’t breathe good and needed oxygen again. My pulmonologist did a skin allergy test and had to start me with antihistamine nose sprays. After about 2 months everything started evening out again until this fall. I was always on oxygen and if I got off the couch to do anything (without oxygen) it would quickly drop to low 80s. Long story short, through medication and my physician discussing how bad it was with my insurance company I am now taking a shot every two weeks for moderate to severe asthma. The reason is my allergies trigger asthmatic attacks; thus, allergy-induced asthma. Again, Praise the Lord!!! My oxygen is doing fine since I started the shots. Also, I have been able to lose a lot of weight just with diet. God is good!
I gave you this history lesson to get to the story. I was talking with Bob Stacy (pastor) about how bummed I feel sometimes. I went through my medications, the face that I’m on oxygen and recently had to get hearing aids. I informed him that’s the first steps of getting old and I’m only sixty years old!!! Even though I tried joking through it the tears started trickling down my cheeks. It was at this point Bob did what Bob does best…. he prayed for me. During his prayer he prayed from his heart saying “Enough is enough…” At the end of his prayer I added a P.S. stating “…and when we feel that enough is enough, may we be reminded what Jesus went through for us.” Amen.
I am not saying that I sometimes don’t “feel” that enough is enough, but I know that God has a plan, and He has me in His hands, no matter what. It is true, we have all felt enough is enough. Sometimes it may be at work, with our spouse, with our children…we all are familiar with that feeling. Just be aware that feelings come and go, be sure to pray your way through all of them for His guidance.
Enough is enough can also be with pets. This year my “babies” (little dogs) shattered two of my tablets while spazzing out chasing each other. After I got the 2nd new one, I got back on Star Trek Command game and found a wonderful Christian group to be a part of. Through chatting I shared with a player that I had a block on my writing since the fire. He shared that as a vet, he has the same problem with drawing due to his PTSD. I told him we’d make a pact that he would draw before the end of the year and I would blog; that we would not continue to allow the enemy to keep a block between us and God’s gifts and blessings. He agreed and said before Christmas.
World, I guess I’m back!!! Enough is Enough!!! Will you also join us with letting go and going forward in this upcoming New Year? I pray that the Holy Spirit convicts whoever is being held back…ENOUGH…IS…ENOUGH!!
This is DeVaughn ~ bringing it home.
Throughout Thanksgiving weekend so many thoughts went through my head and I started typing this blog as they came to me. Therefore, it may seem a little sporadic in its own way, but it is a mini version of the conversations between me and God over the last few days. I pray that you will enjoy your read and receive a blessing as well.
How grateful I am for the many blessings God has given us. We ARE alive and throughout the devastation and losses, have had a chance to realize just how valuable each day is and to live it to its fullest.
It’s amazing how losing everything you own can create a sense of peace. It wasn’t until I was left with just the shirt on my back did this realization come to be. So many times in life we hold onto things that unknowingly weigh us down. Since the fire, our clothes now consist of donations and a few store-bought items. I now have just enough makeup for the day. Granted, I need a couple pair of earrings, necklaces, and a watch to complete a dress outfit ~ but at this point, I have what I need ~ and to think that it is still more than others out in this world.
By mid-life our home and life is cluttered with our past. Now, it’s always wonderful to have family heirlooms and pictures to look at of memories forgotten; yet; I am finding how great of an opportunity my husband and I have right now. Everything from before we met had to somehow create a oneness, which is hard to do when you both bring in so much baggage ~ physically and emotionally. At this point in our life, after seven years of marriage, we finally have the gift of being able to create “us” and come together creating that oneness we have both longed for.
The last month my prayer to God was for strength to endure and peace that passeth all understanding. I mourned over the loss of the Chihuahuas, but I didn’t ask why, I just held onto the fact that His plan is perfect, to spite how we feel. Some days when I didn’t feel I had a prayer I held onto my faith for survival. Day by day things got a little easier.
We are finally out of the hotel and into a rental house. I truly believe with every fiber of my being we were blessed with such a nice place and furniture due to our steadfastness in our faith. In James 1:2-4 we are told to praise God through our trials, and we did. The house? It’s a beautiful older, two-story home with a Victorian style. The insurance company rents the furniture and uses specific vendors. We were told it was like hotel furniture. So, at this point, we were clueless how everything was going to look, whether it was comfortable, etc. As the movers pulled furniture out piece by piece we once again saw God’s hand at work. The housewares girls came in and made the beds, setup the kitchen and bathrooms, made sure there was a decorative item and a photo in each room. They were so thorough in things you may need that they even brought things down to a plunger and measuring cup. God tells us to not worry about our daily needs, He will provide. It was overwhelming to see how He does provide when we hold onto our faith in Him throughout our storms.
I started writing this Thanksgiving Eve and now finishing the day after Thanksgiving. I must say it was one of the best Thanksgivings I have ever had. It wasn’t about the meal for we ate sandwiches while working some around the house. Our Thanksgiving was truly a day that we spent in awe of God’s greatness and being thankful for every small thing.
As Christians, we are always to give thanks to the Lord. This year made me think of how many times I may have said the words but this time ~ I was truly meaning every one of them. I sat in silence by myself a lot, feeling the peace I had prayed for; I looked around at how God provided for us ~ we truly had a day of Thanksgiving.
My friends, no matter your storm, hold onto your faith and leave everything in God’s hands and watch what He will do. Not only does He live up to His promises, but you can be an inspiration for those around who are watching you go through your storm.
This is DeVaughn ~ bringing it home.
My birthday was in April and it was the hardest day I have experienced in a long time. It was the first time I didn’t have Mama to call and sing me Happy Birthday. Sound silly to you? Well, in a way it did to the logical side of me as well. At the same time, I found myself crying on and off all day for it really made me miss Mama even more. I also realized how much it meant to me that she did that every year. Just a simple phone call and her singing to me. When I was working and she couldn’t reach me she would still sing Happy Birthday on my answering machine at home or voice mail on my cell. Another hard lesson how much the little things in life really do matter and not to take them for granted.
Many times over I have heard girls speak of the expensive gifts their boyfriend / husband got them. When I was asked why I married Peter my answer was, “He brings me coffee in bed.” The days I’m in extreme pain he gets me an ice pack and moves my heat pad to the living room so I can at least lie on the couch and watch TV. He may despise some of the little things he has to do when I’m laid up, but sooner or later he will get to it. So many little things day after day that seem to go unnoticed, and probably do once in a while; it’s these little things we need to remember when times get hard.
Recently, everything that could go wrong has. The enemy has been attacking us from every direction from health to finances. It’s time to remember the little things that God has always done for us during these times. For example: the many times He calmed my storms when I have been close to a seizure, the many times He has provided financially at the last minute, the time He sent an officer to help us out of a ditch we slid into on an icy road, and the list goes on and on. Every day God blesses each of our lives but because it’s not a major bush burning experience we tend not to pay attention to the little things He is doing and working in our favor.
I want to take the time to urge you to STOP! Stop worrying and start praying and praising. Take the time to remember when He has been there for you to help you through the times you are going through now. Start living in faith instead of talking about having faith.
This is Devaughn ~ bringing it home.
Famous quote ~ “To be or not to be..” ~ my friends, that IS the question of the day. Lately I have experienced a lot of tragic circumstances in my life, the main being the passing of my mother. I still tend to pick up the phone to call her. Especially on these days that the walls of life seem to feel as if they’re caving in. Yes, I miss her and especially talking with her and getting advice from her; yet, the answers come to me as if she were on the end of the phone ~ always pointing me in one direction ~ God and His Word.
Yes, to be or not to be, it’s all up to me ~ and you. First, let’s take this in the mild top layer, success and happiness. It is totally up to us as individuals whether or not we will be successful and happy. To rely on someone else for either is a mild form of either ignorance or stupidity. Was that blunt and to the point? Yes. Does that make it not true? No. I have to continuously remind myself when I start feeling bummed that it’s up to me to make myself happy. Yes, there are those “low” days and sometimes phases that no matter how hard we try, for some reason we’re feeling bummed. Answer: pray it away. If not for yourself, pray for someone else. Repeat until all better. LOL. Sounds simple, it is. See, there was a time where I hated being alone and one particular night really stands out. I was dating someone who was agnostic and I didn’t want him to leave because I just felt so alone. His response before leaving, “If what you believe is true, you’re never alone.” Wow!!! That truly hit home! Why? Because it is the truth!!! A lot of times our unhappiness comes from the ‘feeling’ of being alone. Put on some good upbeat music, after praying of course, and start dancing, cleaning, whatever may take your mind off of how you ‘feel’ for it’s just that ~ a feeling; and feelings come and go. Tomorrow’s another day.
As always, everything has it’s layers. Let’s take a look at our Spiritual life. To be or not to be an every day Christian ~ yes, that choice is always up to me, and you. What does that mean? Have mercy people, open up your Bibles and read what that means! Loving and forgiving others, giving to those who are in need, not judging others; and the list goes on. Now, some people think that there’s so much you can’t do if you’re a Christian and living a Christian lifestyle. Again, read the Word ~ if you look closely you’ll find there’s a whole lot more do’s than there aren’t don’ts; so if you spend your time doing the do’s you don’t have time to even think about the don’ts. Ever feel like your life isn’t ‘exciting’? Go ahead, start walking everyday with Jesus and get ready for the ride!
Digging down deep now. Let’s take a look at our home lives as spouses. Our marriage, to be or not to be. “Things just aren’t like they used to be.” Nope, sure not. People grow up, have children, responsibilities and all of a sudden there’s the feeling of “I don’t have a life.” My friends, yes you do. That IS life! Satan continuously attacks in the home putting thoughts of what we’re “doing without” and our fleshly desires and he’s good at it. You have to realize it for what it really is. All of us have a tendency at some point or another of bringing up the past when disagreeing. Stop it! Satan wants you to look at the past so you can’t even believe in a wonderful future that God has in store! We’re human. We have flaws and we make mistakes. In 1 Corinthians 13 there is a verse that specifically states, and I’m paraphrasing, that love does not keep count of wrongs. Look it up! That’s God’s instructions! So, at this point we have a choice when we feel like all hope for our marriage is gone: our way or God’s way. To bring this “Christian” lifestyle and thoughts into our marriage will make your decision whether this marriage is to be or not to be.
Yes, we need to look back once in a while so we don’t continue to make the same mistakes. At the same time, don’t pitch a tent and camp there ~ there’s too much of a future ahead of you and you don’t want to miss out on what God has in store for us! God loves you and forgives you daily, show this love to others, especially within your own family. In every aspect of your life you have a choice. To be or not to be ~ you decide.
This is DeVaughn ~ bringing it home.
As I wait for the answer from filing for disability our financial reigns get tighter and tighter. I called my attorney and was told that there was a small amount I could bring in and it wouldn’t affect the case. There was a restaurant that was thinking about hiring me to fix the carry out bags. Once they realized that Sunday morning and night and Wednesday night was out of the question due to my commitment to the church choir I was not what they needed. Anywhere I went I was not able to lift certain amounts and stuck to my guns about the time I have set aside for worshipping God. It didn’t bother me at all that things didn’t work out because of me sticking to my guns about my prior commitments to the choir; although, having to admit what I am not able to do has yet torn me apart again.
Having limitations after being independent my whole life has been, and still is, quite a daily struggle. I have always been able to do whatever it took to make ends meet and get the bills paid. Now, my whole life is twisted 180 degrees. Accepting that I have to file for disability was hard enough; much less to continue to have to try to explain to others about invisible disabilities. I don’t mind explaining; what I do mind is people judging what they don’t understand. My qualifications are off the chart between college degrees and previous job experiences. For financial stresses to be as they are and not being able to take the jobs offered to me because of my qualifications, I truly look in the mirror and wonder ‘why.’
So ~ the question boils down to what can I do? Well, yes I am disabled. As the title also reads “yet abled.” I am able to continue to put my faith in Jesus. I am able to worship His name and call on Him for the comfort I need through these emotional dark moments. I am able to witness to others how great our God is with the disabilities as a part of my life. I am able to share my experiences with you praying that it may touch at least one of you. Yes, I am disabled but definitely abled as well! Remember Phil. 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me.”
This is DeVaughn ~ bringing it home.
It has been approximately six weeks since I have written. I am happy to be back. Ever notice how much life is planned out and looks great on a piece of paper ~ that is, until life happens. I have been staying in Florida to take care of my mother since January of 2011 and visiting my husband once every 3 months for a week or so. A week before I planned to travel home for 3 weeks this time, my mother fell and fractured her pelvis bones. I camped in the hospital for 5 days and nights with her and was able to rest and pack once she was moved to rehab. She was doing better so I continued my trip as planned to make my own doctor appointments. Within the time frame she went home and almost fell again ~ the results were her being so dependent on someone physically that my next visit would be to pack up all of my belongings and move back home. At the same time I got back from Florida with everything to finally unpack, the exact same day my son, his wife and two children moved in as well. He had gotten laid off and things had gotten bad quickly. At this point there are 4 adults, 2 kids and 3 dogs under the same roof. The mere fact that I haven’t gone to jail within the last 3 weeks has been proof that God truly exists and how wonderful His grace is! 🙂
I am facing many storms right now as you are too. We had not had the chance to start saving for whenever I came home for good so how we are going to make ends meet is all in God’s hands. The haunting sadness that I had to leave my mother in someone else’s hands due to my own limitations and that she is slowly drifting away; being the ‘strong’ mother for my son and his family while they face their trials ~ yes, we all have our storms we are facing every day.
Am I afraid? Sometimes, yes. The good part is that it’s ok to be afraid. In the Bible, and I’m paraphrasing here, we are told that when we are afraid to trust in Him; not if but when. Peter was walking on water with Jesus in the storm and was fine until he became afraid and it was then he started sinking. The reason was he took his eyes off of Jesus. He is our beacon in the darkest of storms that will guide our paths.
I want to urge you all, along with myself, to keep your eyes on Jesus throughout all of your storms. He is the Lighthouse!
This is DeVaughn ~ bringing it home…
God has blessed me with His grace but left me out with grace walking in high heels. OK, so not just high heels, more like walking itself. My parents even found out it would be cheaper to buy me a pair of crutches when I was young. Unfortunately, sprained and broken ankles followed me into my adulthood as well. If nothing else I learned the one fact about pain ~ it reminds you that you are alive! Even emotional pain reminds you of this. Many times we get our heart broken and don’t feel we can go forward. When we take a moment to look back in time though we realize we obviously found a way. There’s always good that comes from pain. Sounds strange, doesn’t it? If someone hurts your feelings at least it shows you have a heart that is caring and loving. That in itself is a sign of life.
Remember when our children started walking and got many bumps and bruises, and it was up to us to ‘kiss and make better’ and yet we encourage them not to give up and keep trying. That lesson we teach them is the hardest to apply in life. The bruises will go away. The one saying we’re used to hearing is to take life one day at a time, one step at a time. Again, go back to an infant learning to walk. Part of walking is falling. Take that concept and bring it into your adult life. You’re going to fall, you’re going to get hurt, and that is life. There will be pain in your life and tears. These are all signs of life.
The wonderful part is that Jesus came to heal the brokenhearted. When we become saved, we are born again ~ once again learning to walk. As Christians we will fall, we will hurt, we will be hurt, we will have tears ~ we also have Jesus to turn to for our healing just like our parents were there for us, and we are there for our children. Remember, this is God the Father. As long as we keep getting up each time we fall, there’s always a sign of life.
This is DeVaughn ~ bringing it home.
Day by day we encounter the unexpected, otherwise known as life. The budget looks great on paper, until…; the trip was going smoothly until…; break it down even smaller, the day was going great, until… Yes, life happens and we are never 100% prepared no matter how hard we try. Those who live with faith in God tend to handle these times a little better than those who try it on their own. Then again, remember most of us have learned by trying on our own to have that faith.
Is there proof that faith in God really helps? Look in the scriptures. Noah was told to build an ark when there was a serious drought going on. By having faith and obedience in God he did and was saved from the flood. Moses was at the Red Sea with armies chasing to slaughter all of them. Through obedience and faith he raised his staff as instructed and the seas were parted. Abraham just packed everything up and left not knowing where he was going to go but had faith in God that all provisions would be taken care of. Serious paraphrasing here ~ Jesus does tell us that if he would take care of a sparrow’s needs, don’t we think we’re more valuable than that sparrow to him?
Now it’s time to take a look at ourselves. When we encounter an until…do you panic? Do you worry? Do you immediately pray or do you take it on yourself and then if you can’t work it out, then pray? Most of us fit into the latter category. We always tend to want to be in control and just jump in and take care of it, no matter what it is. How many times do you stop and pray for guidance before you do?
In closing, my thought/question for the day is ~ do live your life with faith in God or just claim you have faith in Him? Can others who know you see this faith as they could with Abraham? Does your life show others proof of faith? Always remember, the way you live your life is a testimony to others.
This is DeVaughn ~ bringing it home.